My clients are my best teachers over the years, combined with these lessons with research and study, I found useful with these principles in my work couples:
- Everything you need now. Focusing on the present moment and current patterns. Do not worry if you repeat the old stuff.
Marriage In Islam
- Use the discussion to "we" statements, which in the best interest of both partners.
- Avoid "my way or the highway" nonsense.
- The brain loves the familiar, soLook closely at the models that you get from your family of origin and how self-fulfilling prophecies.
- Do not do anything for your partner to do for yourself so you do not help, remain in the minority.
- Alcohol can flambé a report. Avoid discussions when under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
- Make your relationship a safe place to be deeply honest with each other. Postpone consideration of the differences, if any of youdestructive. Take time-out.
- Development of a way to calm down (such as prayer, meditation, movement, music, etc.).
- Development of tools and techniques of communication to avoid constructive criticism, contempt, defensive walls, either
- Remember, I am not a cake, and must be open to comments on the unpleasant habits.
- Both partners have a role in a destructive dance. Usually backfires, transferring the blame on the partner and ask friends and family to wearbe a black robe and judges.
- Right-wrong games are counterproductive, because no judge to explain drops from the sky, a winner.
- Be open with your partner's point of view and negotiate, rather than acting as two opposing lawyers make their case.
- If your goal is to be on the same team, it is useful to knock the other over the head with words and physical beating is forbidden.
- Be flexible to change, and be rigid framework, which has never worked from day oneone. Do not keep buying tickets, representatives of destructive drama.
- Develop a positive emotional bank account, explaining only thing you appreciate about each other, at the end of each day. These are added together, and if your money in tough times, it maintains a positive balance in the bank.
- Techniques such as those presented in this book should be played with heart and intelligence. If you apply only intelligence tools can be developed, to be useful in spin-doctoreddestructive barbs. For example: "We must work together" can be spun: "We must work together if you can stand, so selfish."
- Soul food is nourishing relationships. Spiritual practices help open our hearts and thoughts of love.
- Choose to love rather than fear for your life to motivate.
- If you have a specific behavior you expect from your partner, you may unconsciously cause. Let's say you and your husband run in wrinkled forehead, so that you think does not bother with theYou see, you and your mouth. Better to ask if there is something bothering him, before jumping to conclusions.
- Since a large part comes from what you see in your mind, you can choose where to direct your attention. Look for the grace that surrounds you every day.
- If you grew up with destructive patterns such as alcoholism or abuse, you can see signs of danger, because the models are so familiar. Learn the warning signs so you do not go into automatic pilot and repeat thePast.
- Select the peace of mind instead of attack thoughts.
- Problems that are repeated and are unlikely to have roots in the past. For example, if you do not have confidence in yourself, you might think things like: "If he thought it was worth, he would call" or ". Because I've disappointed, she thinks I'm a bad husband"
- The arguments are repeated references to unresolved issues in our memories, that appear again and again. Take care. You can help each other heal.
- Remember that you areDealing with your partner's self-esteem. Be careful. As it will be seen by family members and caregivers is an important part of our identity.
- Be careful what you believe the reports. Our minds can be like a magnet to confirm our beliefs. I am amazed at how many people see only the negative behaviors of the partner. I once saw a pair, and the man kept saying "I love you and I want to do this job." When I asked her what she heard, she insisted that he never toldit.
- Please take it too seriously. We all mistakes and should be avoided too full of ourselves.
- Want to go to a bar and walk up to a stranger muscle, staring into his eyes, and offer the challenge: "What's wrong with you?" Many partners make such a challenge and then expect a warm fuzzy answer. Act like you want to be treated, and if this is not the case, take a walk.
- If your partner attacks or retreats, often a cry for help, even ifmust show a fun there. Couples do better if they can join each other in grief and learn to ask for help.
- Many people live with an elephant, who pretend not to live there. The elephants can be a lot of damage if left unattended.
- Have couples often say they have "everything" is trying, if they did really put in a couple of the same model drive.
- You can learn to maintain a good relationship maintained. This is the best gift you canTheir children.
Here are some comments from couples who have successfully completed therapy for couples about how they have changed:
"The areas that were the scariest and most difficult to understand even those who are helping us to grow, and once we get rid of them, it was so!"
"Even if my perception is my reality, is not necessarily the reality of the situation or my partners."
"There is strength in gentleness and strength, tenderness and understanding ofanother. "
"To make a difficult choice, but conscious at the time of aggravation a step back to cool, and not lose sight of the other person also bad for us the difference."
"We have begun another ceremony on our new marriage and let the old man after ten years."
"I wish everyone could feel in love again 18 years after the year. I remember why I fell in love with him."
Keys for communication couple loving and meaningful
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